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lastsonlost:

abuseisgenderblind:

If somebody asked you about whether male victims of abuse have any representation in media, whether for example you ever saw any male abuse victim in a movie or series or book or talked about in general, you would probably say “no”. I’ve seen some people bring up the issue of male victims and point out that we have no representation, that we’re treated like we’re nonexistant. 

But what if I were to tell you that’s not true? What if I were to tell you you’ve probably seen a lot of male victims in media, even portrayed by famous actors, or in books written by famous writers? 

You’d probably be really confused. Surely if there were so many examples of this, you would remember, right? Well… 

Does it ring any bell if I mention these titles, for example: Red Dragon, The Cell, The Bone Collector, CSI, Criminal Minds?

“Wait,” you might say, “those shows and movies mainly are about women being horribly victimized, not men! What on Earth are you talking about?”. 

I’m talking about the fact that male victims don’t have zero representation in media. Because actually, it’s a lot worse than that. 

My point is, this is what female victims of abuse look like in media:

And this is what male victims of abuse look like:

This is the message we get, over and over, from society and the media. Women who get hurt turn into victims. Men who get hurt turn into monsters.

There are very, very few cases of male victims of abuse in media where this doesn’t happen. In most cases, not only is the character a predator of the worst kind, but it’s either implied or outright stated that the whole reason why he murders, rapes and/or mutilates is because of being victimized in the past.

It’s not even just a case of abuse victims in media all somehow happening to be serial killers, rapists or any other closest Hollywood equivalent to Inhuman Monsters. It’s a case of their abuse entirely being the reason why they become monsters in the first place. 

In the case of “The Cell” and “Red Dragon”, it’s not even just metaphorical: the characters are literally depicted as turning into monsters because of their suffering and because of their mental illness. 

I mean, sure, The Cell does throw in a two second scene of a male survivor subtly coming out to another character, with this bit:

“A child can experience abuse worse than
Charlie’s.  And grow up to be someone
who would never, ever hurt another
living thing.”

Which I would have greatly appreciated, because it’s such a rare message to get… too bad that the rest of the movie is entirely about a neurodiverse child abuse victim who literally turns into a monster entirely due to being neurodiverse and having been abused as a child.

According to media, if little girls are hurt, we should think of the poor women growing up with that trauma. When little boys are hurt, we should think of the poor women who will be hurt by them when they grow up. This is such a widespread message, even some of the people who claim to be fighting against sexism apparently see nothing wrong with perpetuating it. 

Now, of course I don’t believe that this is some intentional evil plot to demonize all men. I think this common depiction is often an attempt to make villains seem more human and sympathetic, to show that if someone behaves badly it’s not out of nowhere. Too bad that, in the process, the message they are sending to abuse survivors is that they will grow up to be monsters.

It’s not like we have a widespread positive depiction or a greater social awareness on the subject to counteract that. Not only is that nearly the only way male abuse victims are allowed to be acknowledged in media, but also the myth that if you’ve been abused you’ll likely become an abuser yourself is sadly extremely widespread. Coupled with the myth that nearly all abusers are male, what we are left with is the idea that most male victims will turn out to be abusers. 

That’s an incredibly toxic message to send to already vulnerable men everywhere. Imagine growing up in an abusive and invalidating envirorment, and the only depictions you see anywhere of people going through the same things are of people who go on to murder, rape and mutilate. Imagine that it’s literally the only depiction you see of someone like you, and in the meanwhile you’re also being told that you are inherently dangerous, that just being born as male automatically makes you potential predator. On top of that, struggling with a mental illness and/or unwanted “weird” sexual thoughts (two things that are incredibly common amongst abuse victims, particularly sexual abuse victims) are also depicted as inherently making someone more dangerous and creepy, especially if male.

Imagine what kind of number that does on young men struggling with the aftermath of child abuse. Imagine growing up and legitimately believing that you’re probably going to be a monster. That you are probably going to become the same as the person who hurt and victimized you, even if you hate the idea of hurting someone else and never actually harmed anyone in your life. 

And I’m not saying that women who are abused don’t internalize negative messages from media and society. There is stil a lot of blame put on women who are victim of abuse, especially if it’s someone who doesn’t “look” or “act” like a victim. This post isn’t intended to diminish or ignore those issues, nor any other issues that are more specific to female victims. This post is simply meant to address specific issues of male abuse that are unique to men and that I don’t see many other people speak up about.

(This for example is one of the few instances I’ve seen of someone else bringing up this very subject, and I very much recommend reading it).

@boy-positive