I decided to take the lead from This Post about a sign typo for a Karate academy for *Elf Defense. So, what happens if we apply the Tolkien racial characteristics of various popular Middle Earth races to firearm development? Let’s see.
As the Age of Men, the 4th Age, began, the men of Theoden who survived Helms Deep passed onto soldiers of Gondor tales of an explosive powder that could tear down walls. The men of Gondor became envious of this and sought out the plans and recipes in Isengard. After years of quietly working, they discovered Saruman’s explosive powder, dubbed Blasting Dust, and developed weapons of their own. Generations passed and the engineers of men perfected their weapons, and now every soldier of Gondor is trained with deadly skill with both a sword and a gun.
Gondor
The men of Gondor are valiant and fair, residing in the southern river basins between Mordor, the Ered Nimrais mountains, and the ocean. At the dawn of the 4th age they recovered from the cowardly stewardship of Denathor and the True King took the throne. Under the new invigorated leadership they discovered blasting dust and began developing weapons for war. Today, their weapons are fine tuned and they take great pride in carrying the seal of the White Tree of Gondor.
Rohan
While the men of Rohan were the ones who passed the original stories of blasting dust to Gondor, they had neither the need for it nor the factories to make it in their nomadic lifestyle. Only after firearms spread across Middle Earth did their riders begin to adopt some. Similarly to their swords and armor, they decided they were comfortable in an earlier era. Everyone else in Middle Earth is using weaponry that looks a little closer to 14th century, Rohan looks like they just stepped out of the 9th Century of Viking migration. Their swords have no cross-guard, and they work on horseback predominantly. So in the thread of older weaponry, the Horsemen of Rohan would likely ride with old Winchester style carbines they could use easily on horseback, and their archers would use longer full length rifles. Their soldiers would also be well trained in swordsmanship and bayonet skills, and were still deadly with a blade.
Elves
Masters of speed and accuracy, the Elves value quickness, agility, and accuracy. Their famed skills at range would be matched by the beauty and elegance of their rifles. Against hordes of melee opponents, their skilled rangers would mow down enemies with light and agile guns. The Elves love nature and natural materials and have a strong artistic sense even in their weaponry. Because of this, the Elves would likely develop weapons that were both elegant and devastating.
The Elves also have skilled city guards to withstand any siege or assault. These guards are able to reach out to great distances and destroy incoming enemies or dispatch single commanders from a besieging army. These guards stand vigilant with elegant and deadly rifles in what we today would call “Safari” calibers.
Dwarves
Late to develop firearms for themselves, the Dwarves were quick to catch up. Stout, violent, and preferring to do their fighting up close, the Dwarves took previous failures and learned from others’ mistakes, then applied their renowned craftsmanship to developing incredible weapons of war. Whether storming the mountain halls of enemy clans or meeting the Orcs in the deep caves where they hide, these short, fast, 8 gauge shotguns are the epitome of metallurgy and craftsmanship. The wielder and the gun both boast a deafening roar.
Some dwarves like their axes with light and agile blades. Others, well others want to drunkenly smash their way through anything with a hammer of justice. Meet the new hammer.
Orcs
Small, crafty, and violent, the Orcs are the spawn of Elves twisted and darkened by Melkor and his magic many ages ago before the Great Sundering. (They are not Uruk Hai!! We’ll get to them.) After the fall of Sauron at the end of the Third Age, the Orcs and fell beasts were scattered, but not all of them were destroyed. Hiding away in the dark and cold north, the Orcs developed weapons of their own. Though not overpowering in their strength or cunning alone, their tenacity and numbers make them frightening enemies to face. Preferring weapons that are light and fast with a high rate of fire, their weapons would resemble the Soviet PPSh-41, and their tactics would resemble the “Human Wave” to overwhelm their enemies with flesh and lead alike.
Uruk-Hai
We finally arrive at the youngest and harshest fell beast in Middle Earth. Invented by selectively breeding Orcs and Goblins in the late Third Age, Uruk Hai stand nearly 7′ tall with massive shoulders an intense strength. These brutish but simple creatures take orders well, deal death indiscriminately, and strike fear into the hearts of any they face with their cult-like behavior. No I’m not talking about the US Marine Corps (though, spade-a-spade, love ya’ Devil Dogs). The simple rank and file Uruk are still the elite force of dark armies everywhere, and their war chants can scarcely be heard over the clamor of their terrifying weapons, developed from captured Dwarves.
The most terrifying of Uruk are a special breed. Shorter and meaner than the rest, these shock troopers spare no expense when it comes to dealing death. Harnessing the power of Blasting Dust on both ends, these shock Uruk run into battle with explosive launching rifles too heavy for most men to wield.
And finally, we have the Dead Men of Dunharrow
They never got any guns. Thanks to this guy
Now I really need to re-read Tolkien
Going through my archive and remembered this great post.
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