Okay fuck it if this post reaches 666k notes by the end of 2023 I’ll practise basic self care
Why 666k? Because it’s funny and impossible so good fucking luck
Well, OP, I’m officially invested in this shit. Your whiny ass is doing self care if I have to drive to your goddamn house and do it for you.
By Talos this can’t be happening
reblog this everyone i wanna see what happens when op’s reverse-hubris forces them to practice basic self care.
why? because it’s funny and completely possible actually so good fucking luck op
I figured out roughly how many notes it’s been getting per day and multiplied that by the number of days left until the end of 2023
If we keep it going at this rate we’ll be far past 666k
IMPORTANT
Okay so clearly I’ve underestimated y’all
So how about we make this more interesting?
I will practise self care if this post reaches 666kBY THE END OF 2022
Op you have fuckethed with the devil this post has gained 30,000 notes since I reblogged it last night
Reblog to throw a hedge apple in OP’s driveway
What the fuck is this eldritch fruit? I’m in.
It’s Maclura pomifera, commonly known as the osage orange or hedge apple. It is known to be native only to a small area of Texas and the edge of Oklahoma and Arkansas. Before the invention of barbed wire, it was pruned repeatedly and shaped to make dense impenetrable hedges to contain animals.
The fruits are inedible—not poison, they’re just hard and taste bad.
The wood is super-strong, burns hotter than any other wood, and is ideal for making bows!
We should just fill this post with other interesting things as reasons to reblog it
Actually I like this idea, we should do that. Here’s my fun fact contribution; actual old English, what one could call Anglo-Saxon (as opposed to, for example, Shakespearean English, which a lot of people call old English but is actually antiquated modern English), is a Germanic language, and modern English shares a lot of roots with German because of that. It was also, at one point, written with runes.
What’s up guys, atlatls were weapons used by upper paleolithic hunters and Native Americans! They are throwing sticks which are essentially used as an extra joint+arm section in order to throw spears (called darts when you’re talking about atlatls) farther and with more force. Mexican people used them to fight the conquistadors because they were better at piercing armour than arrows. Darts are usually 5-7 feet long and the atlatl stick itself 1-2 feet. (1.5-2.1 meters and 0.3-0.6 meters. idk how y’all like it but I’m american) Done properly atlatl darts can be thrown up to 200 feet! I whittled one once and it was super cool.
I’ve used an atlatl they fuck
You can use the North Star to approximate your latitude!
To find Polaris, you can use the last two stars in The Big Dipper aka the Pointer Stars to point directly to Polaris. Polaris itself isn’t super bright but the Big Dipper is and that’s normally enough to get you going.
Once you’ve found Polaris, you’re gonna take your hand, stretch your arm out all the way, and measure. Due to the proportions of the human body compared to the sky, when your arm is straight out and you extend your thumb and pinky fingers all the way, the distance from the top of your thumb to the tip of your pinky is equal to about 20 degrees of sky altitude. A closed fist is 10~ degrees and one finger is 2~ degrees.
Stack your hands in whatever configuration works best to get from the horizon to the North Star and add the various partial altitudes. This gives you the altitude of Polaris (or any star you want to check) from your location. And although you can check the altitude of any star, the altitude of Polaris is always equal to your latitude on earth as the observer!
the tobacco mosaic virus which is like a really virulent plant pathogen- it can survive around a year in dead tissue which is fucking incredible tbh and can also survive and spread if infected tobacco is burned. It has a huge fucking host range. It is really economically important. It is also rendered incapable of spreading or causing harm by milk
rusts have up to 5 distinct reproductive stages. they are of huge economic importance, and one of them is partially responsible for the price of coffee (coffee rust which is incredibly destructive on arabica coffee but not so much on robusta) many rusts have alternate hosts. they can’t be cultured in labs.
Chicken Broth on a Budget
This is a nutritious way to get calories if you have digestion problems or to have something for making easy soups. You can drink it in a mug or use it in recipes. This is the recipe I use, but feel free to mix and match the flavoring and spices. If you’re worried about spices, you can often get them at a dollar store or you can use flavoring packets you get from restaurants and take out places.
Get a rotisserie chicken from the store and pull off most of the meat and put aside in the fridge. If a whole roasting chicken is cheaper do that, but it needs to be cooked.
If you’re able to, roast the bones on a baking sheet at 230C or 450F for 30 minutes. This makes it easier for nutrients to come out.
Chop an onion, get 1 tablespoon minced garlic, salt, and any other savory spice you might want.
Put the bones, onion, spices, and water into a big pot.
Bring it all to a boil (the water will bubble), let it sit there for a couple minutes, then reduce the heat to medium low and let it cook for 4-5 hours. If you don’t have a stove or hot plate you can make it in a slow cooker.
Put in containers and store in fridge. Can be frozen.
If none of you all know the story of the Carpathia, well you’re in for a treat. You all need to read this post by mylordshesacactus because it tells the story so much better and I legit sobbed, but here goes.
The Titanic sent out it’s distress call after hitting the iceberg in the dark waters asking; begging for help. It was 12:20 in the morning. The closest ship to her, stayed silently where it was refusing to move, to help, to search. At the time the Carpathia was 58 nautical miles and 4 hours away in the same ocean. The Carpathia’s radio operator, Harold Cottam was headed to bed as his shift was over and his time was complete. However, ten minutes past when he was schedule to end, he decided to keep his transmitter on as he prepared to end his day. He heard of the backlog of messages for the Titanic from Cape Cod which prompted him to radio the Titanic, reaching out to his friend Jack Philips. In response he received the Titanic’s distress code. When the officers on the bridge were hesitant to believe the message, he woke up the captain who gave the order to turn the Carpathia around. Although the Carpathia was 4 hours away, honestly too far away to be able to do much, she ran full steam ahead towards the sinking ship making haste and making room for passengers they could save from the sea. She did everything in her power to prepare from readying the lifeboats to preparing oil to help settle the sea. When the passengers on the Carpathia heard what what happening, they prepared first aid stations in the dining rooms, donated clothing and blankets, and helped prepare hot soup and liquids for any survivors. And then the Carpathia pulled off the impossible.
As mylordshesacactus puts it better than I can, here’s a direct quote from their post “Here’s the thing about steamships: They run on steam. Shocking, I know; but that steam powers everything on the ship, and right now, Carpathia needed power. So Rostron turned off hot water and central heating, which bled valuable steam power, to everywhere but the dining rooms–which, of course, were being used to make hot drinks and receive survivors. He woke up all the engineers, all the stokers and firemen, diverted all that steam back into the engines, and asked his ship to go as fast as she possibly could. And when she’d done that, he asked her to go faster. I need you to understand that you simply can’t push a ship very far past its top speed. Pushing that much sheer tonnage through the water becomes harder with each extra knot past the speed it was designed for. Pushing a ship past its rated speed is not only reckless–it’s difficult to maneuver–but it puts an incredible amount of strain on the engines. Ships are not designed to exceed their top speed by even one knot. They can’t do it. It can’t be done. Carpathia’s absolute do-or-die, the-engines-can’t-take-this-forever top speed was fourteen knots. Dodging icebergs, in the dark and the cold, surrounded by mist, she sustained a speed of almost seventeen and a half.“
While the Carpathia couldn’t stop the sinking of the Titanic or even save everyone who was in those waters, she made every effort to help. In water that cold and a disaster that monumental, she made every difference she could and rescued 705 people. While that is but a small fraction of the original 2208 passengers, she was the only ship to find survivors. She was the only one who was there on time to save lives. The passengers who had already donated their clothing and their sleep and their time were ready to donate their rooms to ensure these people survived as best they could and could have what comfort they could offer.
Through a line of miracles and a whole host of decent human beings, the Titanic did not suffer a complete loss of life. Without her efforts, all of the passengers could have easily died. It took one man who was on the radio ten minutes after his shift ended. It took one man who told his crew that they were turning around and helping. It took one group of people who were willing to sacrifice their own belongings and comfort. It took one ship that pulled off an impossible miracle in those waters sailing faster than their rated top speed in the same treacherous waters that sank her rival’s ship.
If you ever think your actions don’t matter, well, it only takes one to change everything.
You should have thought this through, OP.
It would be interesting to see all of the permutations of the notes garnered by the original post at the end of this year. Too bad one could not possibly follow all of them.
🎵 Boos and ghouls of every age, wouldn’t you like to see something great? Comb with us and you will sea, The amazingness of the bloody-belly!
This is bloody-belly, this is bloody-belly, Bloody-belly, Bloody-belly, Bloody-belly, Bloody-belly! 🎵
Some 20 years ago, as the signature fog covered the sand dunes of Monterey Bay, bloody-belly comb jellies were first described by scientists at our research partner Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute (MBARI)! These jellies live in oxygen minimum zones, areas of the ocean where oxygen saturation is at its lowest—and something we painstakingly recreate for them in Into the Deep.
Their various sanguine shades may stand out to us, but act as the perfect camouflage in the deep where the color red looks black, helping them, and any glowing food tucked away in their tummies, hide in plain sight. There’s much that we have learned about our blood-red belly friends, and yet there’s much that remains a mystery!
what the fuck dude this is awesome i want this too now
Okay, but what about those deep sea fish that produce light at a wavelength that *only they can see.* Predators that can somehow sense you in a completely undectable and unfathomable manner to you; they might as well be psychic.
YES, EXACTLY–vision is SUCH an asspull?? Sometimes it’s “"dark”“ and we can’t see anything. And also we’re impaired for plot reasons! Sometimes ALIEN WEAPONRY or otherwise-innocuous ship components are ”“too bright”“ and we yell and try to hide, subject to some sort of obscure, tortuous imperative. The rest of the time we can UNERRINGLY tell when anyone is trying to play pranks on us, the names and emotional/physical status of EVERY SINGLE BEING IN THE ROOM (or, when outside civilized warrens, ”“line of sight”“)–and yes, of course, can’t forget about our nigh-mythical fighting arts revolving around insane dodging skills.
And SNIPING. And also, god, fuck–don’t forget about completely arbitrary “”””atmospheric disturbances””” (fog, smoke–the new “ionic interference”) ALSO plottasatically rendering our abilities moot.
Plus, some people have more powerful Vision than others, but some people have a very short effective range of Vision. However, humans have come up with devices that “change the angles of refraction” of the “light” so that the naturally impaired have their skills enhanced–but they can always be knocked off their faces or be broken.
Also some people are terrible at normal Vision work, but have excellent night vision and are skilled at working under adverse conditions.
Oooh, and human art is almost entirely Vision based. Think about non-seeing aliens trying to access the majority of human art!
IM!!! SCREAMING!!! GLASSES. Glasses are SUCH another great Weird Alien Gimmick. God–you get all used to your Human friend and their bizarre abilities, you just start to really trust in and rely on them in tight places and problem-solving a little bit, then you get fucken marooned on a fucken planetoid somewhere and they just in this very small little voice, after you have pulled them from the wreckage and sat down to go over your options, inform you that they’ve lost their glasses.
Oh my god and an episode where we’re up against Evil Humans and our heros turn to their humans like ‘you can see them, right, you can tell when they’re near? you can counter them?’ and our hero is genuinely shaken and worried— they’ve got high-tech military mechanical enhancers, the devices strapped to their heads let them see anywhere, they can operate in near-absolute ‘darkness’, they can operate in near-lethal ‘brightness’, they can see through walls— not doors, not glass, but walls.
Then we have a heroic scene where the crew’s human is the scrappy, desperate underdog for once instead of the cool and collected superbeing. It is super cool. The human and the captain probably mack wildly on one another in medbay after this. Roll credits.
Person 1: I dunno, dude. This ‘light’ stuff sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo to me. I mean, how do we know it’s even real?
Person 2: Seriously, how can something be a wave and a particle? That doesn’t even make sense.
Mysterious Human: Even if you cannot perceive the light, you can feel its warmth–
Person 1: Oh my god, please shut it with the mystical hoo-hah. You’re insufferable.
Mysterious, somewhat exasperated Human: the ‘light’ enters the sensitive paired apertures in our faces, passing through biological lenses and chambers to stimulate specific nerves we call ‘rods’ and ‘cones’. one set of nerves tells us the volume of light we’re perceiving, while the other estimates the wavelength frequency. the total input creates in our mind a continuous sonarscape of immense complexity, where we can perceive ‘textures’ that are impossible to understand with mere sound or touch. this is why my people’s communication devices are small, flat, silent boards: we ‘read’ the patterns of light they emit as language and ‘watch’ the patterns of light they emit as sonarscapes.
Captain: okay…. sounds fake, but okay…
And they just keep on making up new bullshit rules for how light works, like
Navigator: Warp drive engaged. We are approaching 90% of the Lorentz limit.
Human: What now?
Navigator: Oh, uh, it’s really complex, but lemme try. So, matter can only move so fast through space, right? Like absolutely, nothing can ever ever possibly go faster than like about 3 hundred million meters per second–
Human: Ah yes. The speed of light.
Navigator: …oh for fuck’s sake.
Captain: My god! Time! Has… frozen!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
Captain: What?
Human: Remember how light is a wave and a particle?
Captain: Yes, we mention this every episode.
Human: Yeah, light’s frozen along with everything else. I can’t see shit.
Captain: My god! Our sonar doesn’t work either! The soundwaves— they can’t propagate through this frozen air! We’ll have to use just our whiskers!
Human: Fuuuuuuuuck.
The fanfiction for this show has to be amazing.
“Shh. Don’t try to hide your needs, Captain,” Hue Mann soothed. “My sight has told me all about your traumatic memories of the war.”
“What?” Captain gasped. “But…how…?”
“The light knows all,” explained Hue. “Time slows down at the speed of light. It sees all of the past..and all of the future.”
“And what is it telling you now?” questioned the Captain.
Hue leaned in close. “It tells me, ‘Mate with them now, you lovestruck fool!”
“Damn you, Hue Mann. Damn you and your penetrating ‘eyes.’”
“Oh,” breathed Hue, voice husky and sexual. “That’s not all my eyes can…penetrate.”
goddamn, you people amaze me.
I love the idea that the protag species has telepathy as ‘boring normal standard’ senses and they can’t understand why human thoughts seems so strange, fragmented, occasionally blank… until they realise that a great of human thought is ‘visual’ and so can’t be heard…
“Lori, what do your Human eyes see?”
“Coupla billboards, and it looks like it might rain.”
This keeps getting better
This is so cute. Your human crewmember is getting a crush on another human. Time to observe the humans’ weird yet endearing courtship rituals.
“Tell me all about them! What do you like about them?”
“Well, they have these amazing eyes…”
“Yeah? Better at the the wavemapping thing than yours?”
“…I don’t know how good their eyes are at seeing. They’re just this beautiful shade of brown.”
“Wait. You wavemap each other’s wavemapping organs? And have opinions about what nice frequencies they refract the waves at?”
“Yes? What’s so strange about this?”
“I thought your ‘vision’ was passive. Do you listen to each other’s ears too? And like the smell of each other’s noses?”
“Like you’ve never touched someone’s whiskers with your whiskers.”
“…That’s different.”
I just really like the idea of sighted humans telling their friends-who-don’t-see about how interesting-looking they are. Like, “You’re awfully pretty, you know that? You’re such a lovely shade of blue.”
And the friend’s like, “YEAH sure buddy” but they are secretly charmed, like someone discovering a new form of astrology that suits them really well – quietly thinking it over later when they’re alone, like I’m blue!! Yeah!! What’s blue?
The “what’s blue?” Comment reminded me of a joke.
3 fish in a bowl 2 younger ones are talking and the 3rd older one swims up and says “the waters great isn’t it?” The 2 young fish say “sure is.” And the old fish smiles and swims away, after he leaves one fish says to the other “what’s water?” And the other fish says “I don’t know I was just humoring him.”
I’m so glad this joke popped up in my activity. THIS IS SUCH A GOOD JOKE
ALT
