can we stop with the gross amount of idolization and pressure for young christian girls to “stay pure”, God doesn’t condone pre-marital sex but He also don’t condone ur nasty creepy focus on a young girl’s virginity
I’ve heard some Christians call this strange fixation an idol itself, something that is replacing the love and mercy of God.
Why though. There is nothing worthwhile, or pleasant, or tasteful about the alternative to cynically dismissed “purity”. Aside from being an exercise in discipline and maturity, it’s demonstrably mentally healthy, as women who stay virgins or marry as virgins are empirically happier than girls who do have unmarried sex. In fact, the relationship between happiness and sexual activity is inversely proportional. This is replicated also with STDs, marriage stability, and mental illness, with virgins winning every time.
So I don’t see how someone in good conscience can say anything against it. If it benefits girls, more power to it.
And the same should be recommended for boys, who have their own slew of issues relating to sex and attachment, and promiscuity and porn are harming them just as much.
This is our problem: that 1) purity culture almost ALWAYS focuses on women’s virginity, 2) they equate said girl’s virginity to her dignity and worth, instead of teaching virginity to be a practical and beneficial side effect to abstaining until marriage and 3) this “purity culture” mindset has caused plenty of issues, one of which is women suffering from vaginismus or other problems, because they have so much equated sex to “dirty” or “wrong” that even within marriage, they can not fully enjoy this gift.
No one is saying that being a virgin has no benefits, we’re just sick with this virginity obsession screwing with young women’s ideas of their worth and sexuality. You can be all for saving sex for marriage without the issues that the majority of purity culture has caused.
Im just going to say it: Purity culture is the sexualization of a woman’s virginity.
Purity culture is the exact opposite of a healthy understanding of sex, it’s the demonization of healthy marital sex for women, where their body exists as a form of pleasure for their husbands, and as some twisted level of “achievement” for men.
It focuses completely on the woman, as if her virginity alone will be the outcome of the marriage, when in reality a woman is less responsible for marriage, like it or not, as she is not the head of the house hold; a man is.
Purity culture teaches women their bodies belong to some future Prince Charming, who will fall into sweet love with them from the moment their hymen breaks on the wedding night-it’s twisted, and it an abomination.
I’d go as far as calling purity culture a form of pedophilia, an idolization of virginty, sexualization of young girls or women, who are traumatized and paraded around like a fathers highest honor with purity rings and balls and gross pledges their dads to stay “pure”.
It separates a woman from the rest of her body, her being, and places her hymen above her soul! It’s a source of suffering in marriages, especially for women, who have been led to believe sex is this horrible moment of agony and pain that isn’t meant for martial unification, pleasure, love, but some objective tool to be used and degraded sometime after her hymen breaks. Then she feels worthless and empty the rest of her life because the one thing she was applauded for and held in the highest regard for disappeared in 3 minutes.
Women who are raised in purity culture may not have STDs, may not carry porn, or other sexual issues into their marriage, but they have serious mental, physical and spiritual health issues that damage their ability to love and feel loved by others.
Does that sound holy to you? Does it sound Godly?
I don’t think so. And over my dead body will young women be paraded around like show ponies auctioned off at marriage under the safety net of “Christianity”. I demand better Christianity, and understanding of sexual unity for young men and women, and better understanding of true holy purity and holy chastity, which is a LIFE TIME pursuit, NOT something that can be destroyed by any man in under 3 minutes on someone’s wedding night.
It’s only within this past year that I learned that the “purity culture” mindset wasn’t healthy. I still struggle with seeing sexuality as anything but dirty and wrong. I’ve struggled with pride in the area of my virginity because culture told me I was “pure” and “better” than “whole” compared to other girls/women. Most women look forward to their wedding night but instead my first gut reaction is fear. I’m afraid I won’t be able to give myself to someone in that way because of how purity culture has poisoned my mind.
Reblog this if you see it. People need to know.
This is such a great post! Putting down the awful culture of putting chastity all on women and calling sex bad, while still encouraging waiting as the healthy, unitive, and Christian choice!!
I am so lucky to have parents who always taught me of the goodness of sex and its proper place. I bought my purity ring when I was 17, because I liked it, because I wanted a symbol of my practiced religion (and an easy way to scare off boys who just wanted sex), and neither of my parents ever said a word about it in favor or against. The idea of doing this for my parent’s benefit is disgusting – I practice my religion for my sake.
“I demand better Christianity, and understanding of sexual unity for young men and women, and better understanding of true holy purity and holy chastity, which is a LIFE TIME pursuit, NOT something that can be destroyed by any man in under 3 minutes on someone’s wedding night.”
^^^^
The bizarre fixation with “purity” as a euphemism for “virginity” is incredibly damaging. A Christian should want to remain pure in all aspects of life before and after they get married. Purity does not equal virginity.
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